Do you ever wonder how some people just seem to have this magical ability to bring out the best in you? When you are with them, you feel free, light, and like your life is full of adventurous possibilities. And even though your problems don’t suddenly go away, they somehow seem smaller, more manageable, and not that big of a deal. When you walk away from hanging out with them you feel loved and your step has a little bounce to it.
My friend Lindsay is THAT person.
I just got back from an amazing weekend in Montauk with 15 wonderful people who came together to celebrate Lindsay’s 30th birthday. Some of us knew each other beforehand and some of us had never met. We all came from different walks of life with various careers, multiple passions, and a range of personalities. Yet, it was clear right from the start how much color and uniqueness each person added to the mix. The weekend was filled with elaborate home-cooked meals, games, music and instruments, beach walks and volleyball, and lots and lots of shared laughter.
Do I sound exhilarated? I am :) –that’s what people who bring out the best in you, do.
So why was all of this possible? On the drive back, four of us were discussing exactly that and came to the conclusion that the common denominator between all of us is our friendship with Lindsay and her ability to bring out the best in each of us. The reason Lindsay can do this is because she doesn’t allow her own Ego to get in the way and run the show.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that Lindsay is motivated by the desire to bring more love into people’s lives. She is able to take herself and her own struggles out of the equation and create a collective space where others can safely unfold on their own. Because her vision of others is not clouded by her own fears and doubts (which naturally she has too!), she can see others in their brightest light. She is a magnet for positive energy and good people.
What I took away from this car conversation and what I would like to share with you now, is that the key to bringing out the best in others starts way before asking deepening questions and listening well. It starts with your own acceptance of who you are. Only if you are at ease with yourself, can you freely and selflessly act from a place of love and not fear.
As long as you are caught up in suppressing your weaknesses, you ego will find its way through your inner chaos and prevent you from giving fully to others and thus from receiving abundantly from the world.
So, here is what I would like to encourage you to do in order to create a relationship with yourself that is based on self-acceptance:
Think about what parts of yourself you are uncomfortable with?
In what moments in your life do you get embarrassed and retract?
When do you feel intimidated?
When do you feel jealous?
Once you identified one or two of these scenarios think about what it is about yourself that you are feeling uneasy about, that you are not truly willing to accept, that you have been trying to hide?
Perhaps you feel uneasy about where you are in your career, maybe you are jealous about someone else’s looks or style, or you feel insufficient about being single when all of your friends are in seemingly great relationships. Think about how in those moments your voice of fear speaks much louder than your voice of love.
The only way to tune up your voice of love is by peaking underneath the surface and accepting yourself exactly as you are. Instead of judging yourself for what you are discovering, start to be curious about yourself and recognize that these inner self-judgments are your biggest roadblocks.
Your beginning inquiry might sound something like this: “Wow. I can see how I am uncomfortable with/jealous of ___________ and that I might be judging parts of myself. I wonder how I would act differently if I accepted that part of myself?”
The more you can accept yourself, the more you can accept others, and the more you can bring out the best in them and in yourself.
Keep in mind that this is a very sensitive topic, so take it slowly and be kind to yourself as you are unraveling these deeper aspects of yourself. It’s all part of the journey and every step matters. In the comments below, let me know what comes up for you as you are starting to pay closer attention to yourself.
Lastly, if you are interested in tapping into this topic a bit more, join us tomorrow for the second session of my workshop “Decision-making made easy & fun.” We are going to look into how you have made decisions in the past and how you can begin to make decisions from a place of love. Click here for more info.
PS: I had so much fun connecting with some of you via the free 1-hour Strategy Sessions this past month that I decided to continue to offer 3 free Strategy Sessions per month going forward. This is a great opportunity for you to flush out some of your confusions and get some advice for how to unravel and move forward feeling fresh, light, and clear. Simply hit “reply” and let me know where you are stuck or what problem you would like support with. Sessions for May are given on a first come, first serve basis. I am excited to connect with you, hear your story, and strategize together for how you can make your life just a little bit easier and more fun.
“Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take small steps.” – Saul Bellow