My friend got really honest with me… here is what happened

Last week I had lunch with a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in way too long. She belongs to the group of people wandering this planet who carries within herself that indescribable, old soul wisdom. To me it always seems like she speaks every word carefully and with intention, so it’s no wonder that our lunch conversation went way beyond the usual chitchat catch-up. find your voice and speak with it, too 1Over our shared appetizer of spicy carrots in the East Village, she asked me to tell her more about my coaching and how I work. So I started by explaining to her what exactly I mean by “Find Your Voice And Speak With It, Too” (the name of my signature program).


I said that the first part, “Find Your Voice” is all about exploring your inner life. I told her that my coaching is very much informed by my psychology background and that I believe that there are two sides to authenticity –our inner workings and our outer actions.

I told her about family genograms that explore how we were role-modeled how to feel about ourselves, about creating a timeline for the major events in our lives and how they have shaped us. I told her about tools to implement boundaries and how I help my clients get to know their innate typology.


AND THEN, I told her about the “Speak With It, Too” part which basically utilizes the realizations my clients make about their inner life to dream freely and set goals in the real world that are in line with their authentic selves.

As soon as I mentioned the word GOAL-SETTING, she blushed a little and said: “I have to be honest with you… I am not into goal setting.”


“YES” I thought to myself. I know that so many of you have similar reactions to goal setting and I am beyond curious, so I simply said “Tell me more.”

What came out was that she –who by the way is an amazing yogi and emerging dance therapist—feels that she likes to focus on the here and now, that she likes to trust that the universe will take care of things, and that goal setting feels rigid and inflexible.


As our conversation went on, it came out that goal setting is often accompanied by a fear of failure, of setting expectations for yourself that are too high, of not achieving what you set out to do.

These are all such natural fears and trust me, I still encounter them when I set my own goals for myself.


What I have realized however, is that the reason I am experiencing this fear is because I care, because I want to grow and progress in what I do, because I like to dream big and not limit myself by average, norm, or custom.

I want to find my own path in this wild world and I am up for challenging my limits if that means that I can become more of who I am and do more of what I love. {tweet it}


My goals (which I set for the 4 main areas of my life: work, love, health, and play) serve as my friendly allies who remind me to stay balanced and of what I really really really want in my life. They grow with me and can change as I learn about myself, because I treat them as living documents.

In my eyes, having goals and trusting the universe are not mutually exclusive at all. I set my goals in tune with my authenticity and the universe supports this authenticity.


Visualization and goalsHere is what else happened: we deciphered that everyone lately seems to be really into “visualizing” what they really want.

So let me ask you this: What’s the difference between visualizing and goal setting? Aren’t they the exact same thing? Don’t both techniques ask you to paint a vivid, beautiful picture of your true desires?


If you ask me, goal setting takes visualizations a step further because you are asked to write down what you want and therefore you allow your wishes to enter the real world.

It’s like planting a seed in real soil instead of hoping that a flower will bloom out of thin air.


So I told my friend a real life story from one of my clients whose 1-year goal for the PLAY category was to get away to a cabin on the Hudson River next summer. Literally, the next morning my client ran into her neighbor who told her that she had just bought a cabin on the Hudson and would love her help decorating it next summer. WOOOOT??? Crazypant, isn’t it?!?

I am so happy that my friend was honest with me and told me about her hesitations towards goal setting. It gave me the chance to deepen my own thoughts and now share with you how I use goal setting in a unique way that is truly nurturing, authentic, and not at all inflexible.


And guess what? I even convinced my friend to give my type of goal setting a try. I literally cannot wait to see how her path will unfold after we work together.

But now, over to you: what are your thoughts and feelings about goal setting? Do you use it? Do you like it? What are your hesitations?


Lots of love to you,

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