Last weekend I was at one of my oldest friend's weddings back in Germany to celebrate her marriage to the love of her life. This is the bride (isn't she stunning?!), a friend, and myself after the ceremony.
Their love and affection for each other was so clearly felt throughout the whole day that it inspired my post to you today on experiencing great love in your life and what you can do to invite it into your life as well.
Relationships matter. Loving and being loved is wonderful. Community is healing. Of course we want it!
And yet –or perhaps despite the fact that so many of us truly want to find a loving relationship, it remains a point of difficulty, pain, and uneasiness for many.
We feel disappointed if we put all of our will and energy into something or someone else and it just doesn’t work out. We feel heart broken, tired, and confused why we couldn’t make it work. Doesn’t the other person see how much you love them? How much you care? How much you have sacrificed already?
When we put our heart into something and the results aren’t what we expected, we can feel massively discouraged.
These situations teach us a lot about ourselves and oftentimes we become more careful but also doubtful and distrustful.
We build up a wall because we don’t want to get hurt again and then we don’t quite know how to take that wall down again…. Because, let’s be honest, even if we were hurt in the past, deep down, most of us still deeply desire love and companionship.
Last week I wrote an article for MindBodyGreen on “9 Qualities Of People Who Are Great At Relationships.” The post was tweeted & re-tweeted more than any article I have ever written and received almost 30K likes on facebook. While I wrote the post I knew that this was a topic people would be interested in, but I had no idea how much of an impact it would make.
It’s obvious that most people (myself very much included), want to have true love, great romance and beautiful relationships. This is a significant part of life –for most of us at least. And rightfully so. Feeling loved and loving someone else is a beautiful gift that we humans get to experience.
However, when I talk to people –women and men!- I often hear things like
“relationships are tough”
“true love is hard to find”
“you have to be lucky to find lasting romance”
While I understand these sentiments and have empathy for those who feel this way –perhaps after years of dissatisfactory dating, a recent painful break-up, or a currently challenging relationship- I really don’t think that they serve anyone. Why? Because on an unconscious level, it emphasizes the idea that love is difficult, that fighting is a sad reality that is to be expected, and that good relationships are nearly impossible.
These statements also have their roots in fear.
Fear of not finding love. Fear of being in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling. Fear of not being that “lucky person.”
It's like we try to prepare ourselves for the worst so that we won't be so disappointed later on.
Now, I am not here to preach that relationships are always easy and a walk in the park. I am not at all saying that love is simple to find and will never feel challenging. I am not saying anything of that nature because I don’t believe that the goal of love is easiness or simplicity.
BUT what I am saying and what I do believe 100% is that our beliefs create our reality.
If you tell yourself that you have to be extraordinary lucky to find true love and that once you have a relationship you better get ready for some serious problems and challenges, you will likely manifest just that.
Instead I would like to suggest a small but significant mindset switch: Why not add a more positive and optimistic touch to these internal messages that is rooted in love and faith and light. Why not tell yourself things like:
“a great relationships needs and deserves love and attention”
“true love is a result when two people are willing to work on themselves and communicate genuinely with each other”
“lasting romance has much more to do with who I allow myself to be, not what I force myself to do”
Do you see how these statements create the opportunity for you to see the possibility of love through a positive lens? Do you also see how it puts you in charge rather than feeling like your life is destined to pan out in some specific way that you cannot change (aka. where you are the victim)?
The truth is that you cannot control other people or external circumstances -EVER. What you can affect, shift, improve, and alter however, is yourself –your thoughts, your beliefs, your expectations, your energy, your words, your actions.
So, if you want to invite love, romance, great relationships, <or anything else> into your life, start with creating the opportunity within yourself FIRST. Then everything else can fall into place around you as well and align with the energy you are sending out.
If you want to change your life from the inside (your thoughts) out (your reality) and feel more positive, light, and excited about your life, I'd love to have you join The Busy Girl’s 6-Week Plan To Balance & Fulfillment. The course will strategically guide you through a series of lectures and exercises where you can explore (& adjust) your own beliefs that are creating your reality and finally take charge of your own life in a positive way. We will be an intimate group of women and will go deep starting next Monday, June 16th. Feel like this might be right for you? Click here & grab your spot.
Sending YOU love <3
The Busy Girl's 6-Week Plan To Balance & Fulfillment is starting next Monday, June 16th. Are you in?
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