When I was in fourth grade a teacher told my parents that I would never go to university. My grades sucked and I hated school. In addition, I grew at pretty rapid speed (not only in height!) that I was hypersensitive to my body being bigger than the other kids’.
I remember feeling deeply embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
I began to form and believe the story that I wasn’t smart enough, that I would never be successful, that I wouldn’t make my family proud, that learning wasn’t fun, and that my body was a reason for shame.
My self-esteem was crushed.
For most of us, our biggest, most powerful problems didn’t just magically start yesterday, they typically were imprinted during a vulnerable time and have been building up over many years.
As an adult -even after having gone to an ivy university, getting my M.A., and overcoming my earlier chubby stage- I still felt hesitant to ask questions in front of a group of people (wasn’t I just supposed to know things?).
I also frequently assumed that everybody else knew things better than I did, which kept me stuck in self-doubt and looking for external validation to feel confident about my decisions.
Whatever I did, I rarely felt like it was enough. Why? Because I didn’t feel like I was enough.And THAT you cannot just cover up by doing more, working harder or getting more attention.
You have to go deeper. You have to go back to the root.
It wasn’t until I began to dissect my earlier life experiences as an adult that I understood how things in my childhood -my experience as well as family patterns- impacted “my story of who I am.”
These stories are like self-fulfilling prophecies: they become your reality unless you change them.
(And by the way, it doesn't matter if you come from a family with many obvious issues or from a family where there was a lot of love and care... family patterns affect all of us!)
By going back to the root, I was able to release the core of my false and limiting beliefs about myself and create a different story of who I am. My life changed drastically as a result.
I am telling you this because I want you to know that many of the problems you are facing in your life may be rooted much more deeply than you think.
I know how frustrating it can feel to try to overcome things like low self-esteem and feel like you are getting nowhere. What if that's because you haven't been looking in the right places?
From my experience, getting to the root of your problems is so fundamental in the process of creating a life filled with ease and joy that I dedicate a whole lecture of The Busy Girl’s 6-Week Plan To Balance And Fulfillment on helping you understand your past and release old patterns (including my favorite tools and exercises as well as an expert interview with my friend and celebrity therapist Dr. Tracy Thomas).
Here is what one of the lovely participants of the first round of The Busy Girl said about this lecture:
Similarly, a client and I recently discussed why she continues to attract unavailable men.
Once I helped her understand her family dynamics, she was able to see that this has been the story of women in her family: men are largely incommunicative and rarely express emotion, while women tend to be sweet, kind, ever forgiving, but also somehow powerless.
My client however, wants connection, intimacy, and open communication in her love life. She wants to be cared for deeply by a man who is willing to show up and stand next to her strongly.
Seeing her family pattern so clearly in front of her helped her realize that it wasn’t “her fault” she picked unavailable men, it was simply what she was being role-modeled.
My client and I worked on honing in on her own desires for love and she began to see herself in a different light; a light that actually empowered her to change her story (and therefore the story of her whole family).
The realization that something you are battling now is actually due to an early experience in your life and/or is rooted in your family patterns is typically VERY powerful --life-changing, in fact-- for the women I work with.
You know how diseases run in families? Well so do things like divorce (studies show that children of divorce are often more scared of intimacy and commitment), low self-esteem, and career dissatisfaction. And just like for diseases, you are predisposed -NOT destined- to experience and repeat your particular family pattern.
In The Busy Girl I will teach you how you can shed light on these patterns so you can actively decide to map out your life differently!
It’s time to question your beliefs and unveil the root of your insecurities that stem from your past, so that you can look them in the eye, release them, and replace them with a self-image that is actually supporting you to create the life, love, success, and health you desire.
My question for you today is this:
Think about what you are struggling with the most (your most uncomfortable hurdle) and ask yourself whenyou began to struggle with it and how your family and your past impacts(ed) this issue? Begin to see yourself in the greater context of your life and family.
I have seen this ‘unraveling of the past’, help women overcome challenges in pretty much all areas of life. That’s how powerful this work is.
If you are ready to do what it takes to change YOUR STORY, I invite you to join me and 15 other women who are already signed up for The Busy Girl’s 6-Week Plan To Balance And Fulfillment.
Are you coming?
The Busy Girl's 6-Week Plan To Balance And Fulfillment is starting next Monday (Sep. 29th).