I have noticed something in the last few week: people are walking around with two very different vibes right now. There are the ones who are totally energized and jazzed about taking 2014 by storm and then there are those who want to feel the New Year optimism and excitement, but somehow they just feel exhausted, overwhelmed and not in the flow of things.
The main fear I hear about when it comes to resolutions and goals is fear around failing, not getting what we really want in life, fear of shooting too high and being left disappointed, fear of being seen as a failure by others and therefore, being alone, unloved, unaccomplished, poor, and left behind.
These fears paralyze us and make us retract … sometimes they make us retract far far far back … like back into our PJs+Couch+Bowl of ice-cream far back. Or simply back into our own quiet shell where it’s safe and warm but also kind of tight, suffocating, and boring.
I know what it’s like to feel paralyzed by fear.
I used to be incredibly afraid of embarrassing myself. I rarely shared my biggest, most sincere dreams with people because then, I thought, people would watch me and measure my success. I felt embarrassed about saying that I wanted to lose weight, because I didn’t want people to know that I thought about my weight at all. I didn’t speak up when I was really unhappy about my professional path, because I didn’t know what else I wanted to do. I told people I never wanted to get married anyway when in reality I desired nothing more than vibrant, epic, crazy love.
When I was holding my deepest and most truest desires secret out of fear of embarrassing myself, I constantly felt exhausted, overwhelmed and out of sync. This was my body's way of saying that I wasn't living my truth. Holding all of your desires in IS exhausting.
The question What if I never reach my dream goal? scarred me so much that I gave up before I even started. As if, if I was the one short-cutting myself it wouldn't feel as bad. In reality, I was rejecting my chance at life and was feeling mediocre and restless always!
If this sounds familiar, you have an important decision to make:
Do you choose to feel like a failure and totally unworthy before you even tried anything? Will you never try anything awesome in your life just because there is a potential that you will get served bland oatmeal instead of the chocolate pudding?
Do you choose to believe that you are worthy, that your life will unfold in (sometimes mysterious) ways that make sense only in retrospect, and that putting your best foot forward is all you have control over (right now and ever!).
Here is the deal:
It’s not about winning or losing. It’s not about doing it (“life”) right or wrong. It’s not about failing or succeeding. This is all in your head… in the stories you repeatedly tell yourself.
In reality, it’s about making decisions to the best of your present abilities. It’s about making choices that feel right. It’s about learning lessons, course-correcting, and adjusting. It’s about removing your self-judgment and allowing your path to unfold. It’s about trusting that your life wants to be awesome. It’s about being your own greatest advocate (because if you are not, why would anyone else want to be?)
Don’t waste your time and energy trying to predict the future and getting paralyzed by worry in the present. Instead spend your time and energy figuring out why something IS possible for you. Tune into what feels right - taking into consideration only what you know so far (not what your imagination fabricates about potential failures). Create a vision for yourself and your future that helps you believe that positive outcome is within your reach. Focus on what you WANT instead of on what you DON'T want.
Let me be honest with you:
Unfortunate things will happen no matter what road you travel. Goals will not be met. Job applications might go un-replied. Relationships sometimes don’t work out. You will at some point experience anger, frustration, confusion and sadness. This is all part of life.
But, if you can accept that and put yourself out there despite all of these downers: fortunate -dare I say, MAGICAL- things also happen. Goals will be met and exceeded. Job dreams come true. Beautiful life-long relationships do work out. AND you will sure as hell, experience joy, connection, love, and happiness.
The choice is yours.
Will you let the potential of not reaching your dreams goals scare you into a corner or are you going to get you sweet buns off that couch and do something awesome with your one precious life?
In the comments below, I would love to hear your thoughts. Perhaps tell me what you really really want to do in your life that you have been hesitant to do! If you weren't scarred, what would you dare to do today?
With love as always,