What overpriced pappardelle clarified about my relationship

I cannot believe it’s been less than a week since my new website launched (if you missed it, click here and let me know what you think). I am still so excited and gitty about it. You know what it feels like to have worked on something for a long time and then experience that relief when you actually push it out! It’s like a mini birth! Best feeling ever once it’s done.  

What has been particularly rewarding in the last few days since my launch is all the love and positive feedback I have received from so many people: friends, family, strangers and now new friends alike. THANK YOU for making this past week so amazing and rewarding!


Today I want to talk about something I havn’t really ever written about before in much detail: my relationship with my boyfriend, Rasmus.


I think I have kept a bit quieter about my relationship because I am afraid that people will get annoyed when I gush about how much I am in love with my man and how easy our relationship flows most of the time. The fact that I don’t really ever have any substantial or rattling complaints about him and genuinely think that he is the most fun human being to hang out with somehow makes it intimidating to talk about. I think this is especially true in a world where so many relationships are difficult and unsettled and so many people bond over having shared complaints.


However, today I am going to take a leap and share something with you from this past weekend while Raz and I were skiing in Park City for his 30th birthday and spoiled ourselves with overpriced –yet insanely delicious- pappardelle.


Over our romantic candle-lit dinner, I asked Raz: “Why do you think our relationship works so well?” I know, what a bomb question, but hey, I like to talk about things AND I am truly curious about his answer.


Raz and me playing aroundSo, together we ventured into an exploration of this topic and after we covered some fundamentals (ex. we are both ambitious and therefore stay intellectually interesting to each other, we are both equally generous so neither of us feels taken advantage of, we both come from small towns and share similar family values etc.), we came down to what really puts the cherry on top:

We can PLAY together!

This sounds so simple, but what I observe so very often and what I have experienced in my own life a few years back when I was living my life constantly hustling to fill inner voids with external stuff, is that so many of us have forgotten how to play, how to be silly, and how to not think ahead all the time.


I truly believe that the best things and the deepest connections happen when we let go completely. 


That begs the question: what does playing even mean? Here are 3 fundamentals that came to my mind as I was racing down the slopes the next day:


1)    Playing means being totally absorbed and completely engaged with an activity and the people who are there. Remember how you played when you were a kid? The only thing that mattered was that soccer ball, that afternoon tea with your toy china and dressed-up dolls, that puzzle, or that dance that you and your friends choreographed for hours at a time. You were in total flow with your mind and yourbody. Everything else around you vanished and didn’t matter. There were no cell phones to check, no facebook updates parading in at mind-altering speeds, no emails to read while trying to keep up an engaged conversation.


2)    Play is free of judgment –of yourself and your partner. You are not there to achieve, complete, compete, check off, or impress. You are purely and solely there to be there. That’s it!


3)    You act from a point of authenticity and allow the person you are with to see who you are fully. There is no hiding, no pretending, and definitely no weighing of what you should say or do.


This week, I encourage you to ask yourself:


Do you play enough in your relationship?

And by the way, this is true for any relationships we have. It doesn’t have to be your romantic partner. Think about your parents, you friends, your relationship with yourself, or even your relationship with work or food (do you take a playful approach by eating what your body really needs, without being distracted, without slef-loathing judgment and strict willpower?). You see the principle of playing can be adjusted to whatever relationship you are looking to elevate to the next level.


In the comments below, I would love to hear what this post brings up for you? Do you have enough play-time in your relationship? What are you mainly struggling with when it comes to feeling free, creative, truly seen, and liberated in your relationship?


See you there.