What's far more important than knowing WHAT you want? (find out inside)

Hi beauties,

It is December 31st, 2013.

The last day of the year.

A turning point.

The verge of a fresh start.


A time of positive intentions, as of yet unfulfilled dreams, and big hope.

So often, we get asked to make choices in our lives. What do you want to do, buy, eat, drink, look at, watch, see, experience…? What kind of man do you want to date, marry, hang out with, have children with….? What kind of work do you like, enjoy, want to try, explore…?


Clarity on that question seems to be as valuable as anything these days. There are innumerable choices everywhere. Heck, even going to the grocery store can leave you feeling overwhelmed with choices to make.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that knowing what you want is super important and a non-negotiable when you set out to live your life on your own terms.

However, I think that there is one far more important question to ask yourself and get really clear on before you can actually answer “What do I want?” in all honesty and in your own best interest.

The question is: “HOW DO I WANT TO FEEL?”

In my coaching practice, I spend a significant amount of time talking to my clients about how they want to feel (and I don’t count “happy” and “successful” because these are such overused terms that they don’t clearly express any individualized or personal meaning). Being clear on how you want to feel is so important because pretty much everything we do or pursue in life is because -underneath it all- we want to feel a certain way.

danielle laporte

danielle laporte

Most of us, however, aren’t aware of what feelings we really want to feel and so we end up blindly chasing, doing, and pursuing things in the hopes that our most desired feelings will follow suit. Why not reverse that system and start with clarity about how we want to feel and then strategically plan our life according to that?

Danielle LaPorte, author of The Fire Starter Sessions and most recently, The Desire Map (which I have not read yet!) is a tremendous inspiration for me when it comes to putting feelings first.

She writes:

“What if your most desired feelings consciously informed how you plan your day, your year, your career, your holidays — your life? You know what will happen with that kind of inner clarity and outer action? You’ll feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make: You’ll know what to say no, thank you to and what to say hell yes! to. I bet you’ll complain less. You’ll be more optimistic, more open-hearted. It will be easier for you to return to your center in the midst of a challenge — I promise. You will do much less proving, and way more living.”

Personally, I spent some time journaling and some time walking in nature to really consider how I want to feel. What feelings do I value more than any other ones in the world as the woman I am today? I realized that my core desired feelings are: alive, authentic, connected, feminine, and generous.

It took me some time to make this list of only 5 (and I am still not sure if feminine or playful is a feeling I desire more), but for now I will let them stand this way; knowing that I can always come back and adjust them as I grow, evolve, and move into different directions. 

So here is today’s challenge -the last one of 2013 and the first one of 2014:

Take some time to yourself and really feel into your own body for the answer to the question “How do I want to feel?”.  Do this without considering the world’s perception of who you are. Forget about where you live, what others expect of you and free yourself of that invisible narrow prison mindset that tries to tell you what’s possible for you and even more often what’s not possible for you. Close your eyes, sink into your core, and imagine yourself to be at a place where you have ultimate freedom to be exactly who you are. How would you want to feel?

Happy happy new Year loves!!! I wish that 2014 will have an amazing start for you. I am looking forward to spend it with you.

Screen shot 2013-04-29 at 9.43.30 AM

Screen shot 2013-04-29 at 9.43.30 AM