Why you need to stop looking for your dream relationship

Last night I was talking to one of my best girlfriends from CA. She just moved in with her boyfriend and is about to celebrate their 1-year anniversary. We were reminiscing about the time when we were both single and felt like finding the right guy was pretty much impossible. It seems like ages ago but really it's only about 4-5 years back. Between the two of us we could probably entertain a crowd for a whole evening of just telling our various experiences and pitfalls on the dates we had. Oh my...

Anyway, now we can laugh about it but back then our jokes about how much dating sucks certainly also included an uncomfortable edge that whispered some version of:

"What if I'll never find the one?"

"What's wrong with me?"

"How is everyone else able to figure it out?"

Raz and me hiking in Yosemite last summer.

Raz and me hiking in Yosemite last summer.


Working really hard to catch a great guy is really tough labor and most likely won't actually work. During my phone call last night, my friend and I both reflected on how love happened for us and concluded that it was actually so much simpler than we thought. I met Raz in a bar and my friend met her man at the grocery store - both encounters were love at first sight and things were easy, fun, and natural from the start.



Here is what he had to learn before this kind of love came into our lives:

  • We had to learn how to surrender and let go of our made-up belief that being in a relationship was some sort of token of honor that made us worthier as women and humans

  • We had to withdraw our fear of being alone because fear is never a good motivator and isn’t likely to create authentic love anyway

  • We had to learn how to create the kind of presence and kindness towards ourselves that would allow love to come into our lives (instead of actively going out with our eyes peeled 24/7 for the man of our dreams to enter our lives from some mysterious corner, which is totally what we did for a while)

You've probably heard this before (& are maybe tired of hearing it), but you truly cannot force love.

The fact that love is seemingly so outside of our control is often a point of frustration for women (and men too!). So many of us are do-ers and charge-takers who can make stuff happen in other areas of our lives but suddenly when it comes to romance all of our doing leads to ...well, bad dates.

So how can you start this process of surrendering? (which by the way doesn't mean "giving up"!!! Surrendering means accepting what is and trusting that good things want to happen in your life)

In order to really fully trust that the universe has your back and trusting that good things will come, you have to create a loving relationship within yourself.

If you don't trust yourself, you won't be able to trust anything or anyone else. You will miss the beautiful opportunities life presents to you.

Distrust is what builds major blockages and massive discontentment in our lives, so focus on releasing those and begin to feel the support and unconditional love that is already available to us -maybe from your family and friends, from nature and animals, from the universe, god, or whoever/ whatever you believe in, from yourself.

For this weekend, make it your goal to take a break from your go-getter attitude and focus your energy on releasing, freeing and surrendering into what is in the present moment. Concentrate on what you do have instead of on what you don't have and give yourself the opportunity to dwell in that instead of thinking that whatever you have is still not enough.

I have a daily practice of closing my eyes for a few moments and imagining myself sitting in a beautiful golden bowl that symbolizes all the support and love I already have in my life. Everything is glowing, warm, and vibrant and I am radiating out the love I receive into the world. It’s a beautiful practice. Try it for yourself.

Once you are able to lead your live from a place of abundance and feelings of contentment, the most magical things can manifest themselves in your life! This is true for all areas of your life: love, work, health, and play.

In the comments below, I'd love to hear from you: How will you start to surrender, trust, and focus on receiving love?

With love,


Caroline Zwickson

Caroline Zwickson has a M.A. in Counseling Psychology and is a Certified Women’s Health Coach focusing on natural pregnancy preparation, hormone balance & postpartum recovery for women who want to feel amazing in their own skin and birth happy babies.

Caroline integrates functional nutrition, life & wellness coaching, as well as positive psychology to guide her clients in creating joyful lives and fertile bodies. She skillfully helps her clients adapt to new food & lifestyle habits that are grounded in establishing physical and emotional balance and health so that they can make decisions that are truly based on their goals, desires and intentions in life, especially at the onset of a new era: motherhood. Knowing how to nourish yourself in a way that promotes hormonal balance and having a close, loving relationship with yourself is the best possible preparation for pregnancy and motherhood.

Through her own experience navigating hormonal imbalances after coming off birth control in her 20s, Caroline experienced first hand that the most important factor in achieving a healthy and fun pregnancy is how women prepare their bodies and lives before they conceive. Her approach to women’s fertility and motherhood is based on positivity and the firm belief that women have an immense capacity for creation and bringing joy and beauty to the world.

Caroline has been featured in The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Your Bella Life, The Beauty Bean and Cafe Truth. She has spoken at companies like Martha Stewart Living, Yelp, AMEX, Twitter, and Charity Water. You can find out more about her at www.carolinezwickson.com and you can download her FREE workbook guiding you through her top 5 tools to help you conceive naturally.